1. We have a lot to say this year, but we’ll tell you in advance that this about sums it up.

     
  2. "During one crucial and deathly silent scene involving Sandra Bullock’s character’s desperate attempt to reach her vessel and avoid dying in the void of space, the man who brought honour and fun to Canadian space exploration let out a long, piercing, and altogether perfect fart.”

    GIVE ALL THE OSCARS TO CANADIAN ROCKET MAN!!

     
  3. JOYCE CAROL OATES 4 OSCAR HOST

     
  4. Consider.

     
  5. luv u

     
  6.  

  7. HYPOTHETICAL

    What if Marion Cotillard wins and the Artist bro gives her the award and they speak to America in French about how 9/11 was a hoax and the moon landing was staged?

    Will Wahlberg storm the stage and citizen’s arrest them for terrorism?

     
  8. IMPORTANT POINTS OF ORDER

    1. Bradley Cooper’s part in the BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR was originally written for Mark Wahlberg by his bro David O Russy. But Cooper was willing to do the part for 900k WHICH IS WAY BELOW WAHLBERG’S ASKING PRICE. So O Russell gave him the part. SO. When Jennifer Lawrence wins for SLP she will be there all succulent and supple with her smokey voice and buxomness and she will be like, “oh my god, oh my god” and she will thank Bradley Cooper so the question is: HOW WILL THIS MAKE MARK WAHLBERG FEEL?

    2. UGH THE ARTIST BRO WILL COME OUT AND PRESENT J. LAW WITH HER OSCAR AND WE WILL ALL FEEL SHAME FOR GIVING THAT BUNNY FART MOVIE ANYTHING!!!

    3. Will Paz be invited to any parties? Will QT pretend not to know her because she asked him for money too many times??? Will there be TV there and will they feel small and puffy???

    4. Will anybody even talk to Joaquin?? Can they trust him? Or are they like “NEVER AGAIN” will casey affleck be there to support his bro and then will Joaquin hang out with him smoking and sneering at all the other “normies”?

    5. Do I want to have sex with Justin Theroux, yes or yes??

     
  9. all night

     
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